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 The official Joke Thread

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pulse
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PostSubject: The official Joke Thread   Thu Nov 16, 2017 7:21 pm

add your funnys here.
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pulse
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PostSubject: Re: The official Joke Thread   Thu Nov 16, 2017 7:23 pm

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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pulse
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PostSubject: Re: The official Joke Thread   Thu Nov 16, 2017 7:23 pm

My wife says I don't satisfy her anymore. That's probably because I'm not a fucking cake shop...
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pulse
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PostSubject: Re: The official Joke Thread   Thu Nov 16, 2017 7:24 pm

It was my mate's funeral this week. He was always a practical joker, and fair play, he made us laugh right to the end. Silly fucker had the coffin rigged somehow so that when it was being lowered into the ground, a tape of him saying, "Ha! Fooled you... I'm alive!" started playing. It was followed by things like, "Lads... Really. I'm not dead, let me out!"

We were all in stitches. Even the Vicar was pissing himself.

RIP Dave... Fucking legend.
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PostSubject: Re: The official Joke Thread   Thu Nov 16, 2017 7:25 pm

after several tests and examinations, a patient was awaiting the results when the doctor walks into the room ... The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."
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PostSubject: Re: The official Joke Thread   Thu Nov 16, 2017 7:26 pm

Paddy and mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.

Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!"
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PostSubject: Re: The official Joke Thread   Sat Dec 09, 2017 5:31 pm

Masturbation is so much easier for kids these days.

I remember having to wait for the Littlewoods catalogue, sneakily smuggle it into the bathroom and find the lingerie section.

Nowadays, the internet just makes it so much easier!

I just open up my browser and go to littlewoods.com.
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